A paraprosdokian (from Greek ‘παρα-’, meaning ‘beyond’ and ‘προσδοκία’, meaning ‘expectation’) is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It’s frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. It’s thus extremely popular among comedians and satirists. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paraprosdokian) .

This material was borrowed from an email floating around the Internet and from friends that share their own favourite paraprosdokian.

• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

• Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

• I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

• The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some very good ideas!
  (Thanks Phil)

• Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

• The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.

• Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

• If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

• We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

• War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

• The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

• Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

• A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

• How is it that one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

• Some people are like Slinkies … not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

• Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

• I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

• A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

• Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says “If an emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR”.

• I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.